Orbitwheels are Moon Shoes 2.0.

Essentially, Orbitwheels are the Moon Shoes of the 21st century. They look and sound just cool enough to kids to make people want them, but they never live up to the promise.

Portable Home Gym works fine, but makes you look retarded.

I was going to start this post about the Portable Home Gym the way I usually do, with some snappy little one liner or a quick faux quotation. Unfortunately, people seem to like this thing. Luckily, you have to look retarded to use it.

You get on the floor where you belong, fish.

You know what I hate most about fish tanks? How elevated and eye-level they are. Luckily, the Aqua End Table with Glass Top exists so I can have my fish out of sight and out of mind. That way they can die in peace.

WiFi Signal Locator Key-Chain. Have you guessed the problem with this yet?

"Man, I really want to get on the internet, but I really don't want to turn on my iPad without being 100-freakin'-percent sure that there's WiFi."

"First of all, that's a piece of cardboard, not an iPad. Second of all, there's no need for an iPad, because I have this WiFi Signal Locator Key-Chain!

"Dude, this is totally an iPad. I'm just using the 'Card Board' app."

"..."

The Revolving Tie Rack reminds me of a simpler time, before common sense.

Do you have a lot of 'C' batteries and ties, but no way to use them together? Then the Revolving Tie Rack is perfect for you!